I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
