I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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