i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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