well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
