Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
