dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
