There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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