Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
