I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
