I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
