Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
