If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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