I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
