he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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