Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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