apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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