Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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