WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize