mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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