My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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