I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
