i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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