i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
zippers are such a cool invention
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
