I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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