my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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