Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
