White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
