Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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