Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
