well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is the high leading the old right now
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
