I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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