I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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