you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
