I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
