Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
try to milk me bitch
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
