Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
