Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Text me some of your sweat
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
