maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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