it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
