I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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