woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
