I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
