Tell her she can't have a vagina
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
