Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
