apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
