one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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