I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
