I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He shit in the fireplace
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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