She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
