Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
