I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
