wrigley field is MILF paradise
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
