id be glad to
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
