let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
