You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
