My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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