She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Randomize
