I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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