Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
