You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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