I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
