we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
