All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I supernannyed him into submission
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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