that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
