Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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