i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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