Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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