He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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