She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
