so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You don't make any sense
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