My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
