I wish I could punch you in the face.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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