Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
