"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
