you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
